Friday, May 19, 2006

It Has Begun...

Now, strangely this title could apply to many things. Yes, my J.E.D.I.s have begun. Yes, the changing of my Blog has begun (notice the personalised links, the new picture and you can now "contact me")
But the thing I really wanted to talk about is what began last night... The SEVENTH series of Big Brother... Dear Maker, save me now...
Nearly 14 weeks of television Hell have begun. I really can't believe that it has happened every summer for seven years. You think that the planet would get sick of watching about 15 people in one house. I mean how much difference is there between one series and the next? The house gets smaller every year. That's about it.
I would rather cut each of my fingers off with a lightsaber than watch that dribble. Actually make that a blunt knife.
And then there is all the hype in the papers about who "Got together" in the house. None of the relationships last!!!! Can no one see that??? It's like the whole universe lives off this program for all of the summer! It exploits human weakness and makes money from it. I really can't stand it. People become in huge danger if they even mention it in earshot of me.


And so after I've put you all to sleep with my raving here's a question for you. Have you ever wondered why my Grandfather went to the Dark Side or never understood it fully? Well here it is, laid out for you in a way that even a Hutt could understand.


The Reason

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

My Lullaby

Dusk was falling as I reached the Temple.
No sooner had I stepped inside than a huge ball of fur set upon me!
“Ahh! Lowie, get off!” I laughed. “Yes, it’s good to see you too.”
“Jaina!” came a light voice from the hall and Tenel Ka came flying through followed very closely by Jacen. I was set upon by both of them and we collapsed in a fit of laughter. “Ok, Ok! Enough already.” I said as I struggled to my feet. I pulled Jacen up and gave him a proper hug. He looked a bit peaky. “You ok?” I questioned.
“Yea, I’ve just been a little worried about you, that’s all.”
I patted him on the back. “Well I’m back now and I’m fine as well. What about you two? What have you been up to?”
“Well recently, we’ve mostly been revising.” Answered Tenel Ka.
“RAWORR AHH”
“Yes, buddy. We know you’re sick of it.” Said Jacen as he patted Lowie on the arm.
I was slightly confused. “Revision, for what?”
All three looked at me as if I had just turned into a Storm Trooper. “Uh… Our J.E.D.I.s, Jaina. You know, those really important exams we have this year?”
I smacked my head. “Aw Holy Sith! I’d forgotten about those! When do they start?”
“Your oral in Wookiee is on Friday.”
“Aww Crap! I wonder if I could be excused?…”
“Not likely Jaina. These are really important. Even Zekk was taking them seriously before he ran off again.” Sighed Tenel Ka.
I groaned. Zekk was always running of for some reason or other. “When do you think he’ll be back?”
She shrugged. “Dunno, he’ll probably turn up at the end of the summer, but I don’t know if he’ll be let back in. Master Skywalker said that he had to take them or he wasn’t allowed back in.”
I flinched at the sound of my Uncle’s name. “You ok?” asked Jacen.
“Yea, I just had a fight with Uncle Luke but it’s fine. The problem here is Zekk. We have to find him.”
“Na, it’s cool. Lowie and I will go out in his speeder and look for him.” Suggested Tenel Ka.
“But it’s nearly dark!” I protested.
“WARRAW RA!”
“Ok. I agree. No one will touch you while you’re around Lowbacca.”
“And you probably want to talk to Jacen alone anyway.” Smiled Tenel Ka.
I grinned; sometimes she could read my mind almost as well a Jacen.
“See you later then!” I shouted down the hall at their retreating backs.

I related the whole tale to Jacen in thought speak, I was too tired to speak out loud. He stroked my hair gently; I was lying on his bed with my head in his lap. It was comforting to know that he was there. After a few minutes of silence Jacen spoke, “We’re different now, aren’t we?”
I frowned. I hadn’t thought of it like that. “I suppose so. But you’ll always be my brother Jacen.”
And we were different; this experience had changed me I had… grown up I suppose. And Jacen wasn’t with me. But that didn’t matter, he was my twin and he always would be. We would always be there for each other.
I yawned. Jacen began to sing. Now normally he’s not that great a singer but his voice seemed sweeter tonight. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t heard it in so long. I don’t know where he found it but it really… oh I dunno. It felt good. I’ve adopted it as my Lullaby and I fell asleep to the words.

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You have come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling

From across the distant shore
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

[Chorus]
What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say: We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

[Chorus]

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West


~~~~
Since my J.E.D.I.s (Jedi Examinations for the Declaration of Intelligence) are on so soon I’ve decided to pull a Fluke and go into hibernation until they are over. I might post something to complain about them during them but you’ll know when I’m back properly because I’ll have a new look blog! My links will be finished, I’ll have a different layout and a different skin! The dots are really starting to annoy me!

*Lyrics: Into The West. Preformed by Annie Lenox.

Friday, May 05, 2006

After the Council Meeting.

I waited in the shadows as the rest of the Jedi Masters filed out of the Camber. I knew that Uncle Luke would be the last one out and would possibly even wait a bit. I hoped he would do the latter.
He did.

I stepped inside the chamber and he was sitting on his Council seat holding his head in his hands. I uttered one word. “Why?”
His head jerked up and when he spoke he sounded tired. “What are you still doing here? I thought that you would be off to see Jacen.”
He was trying to steer me away from what I wanted to talk about. “Not until I get my answers.”
“You got your answers in the meeting Jaina.”
“No I didn’t. I want to know why you won’t do anything about that Black Hole.”
“That is none of your concern Jaina. It is a matter for the Jedi Council and them alone.”
I could feel my blood boiling. I didn’t even try to control my temper. This was going to turn into one heck of a shouting match! “How can you say that?” I yelled, “You weren’t there. You don’t know what it feels like!”
Uncle Luke sighed, “Jaina, please try and control your temper.”
“NO! I won’t! I am so sick of everyone treating me like a baby! I’m older than you think! Dad’s the only one who treats me like a grown-up!”
“This isn’t about how we treat you, Jaina. As a Jedi Knight you should control your emotions. It helps us centre on the Force.”
“I don’t care right now! What I care about is what you are going to do about the Black Hole!”
Uncle Luke was getting annoyed now. He stood up. “I’ve told you, that is none of your concern.”
“Well I think it is! I was there! I know what the Dark side is like! You lost your father to it!” I lowered my voice here, “Don’t you want to destroy it?”
That provoked an answer out of him. And it was an angry one! “Of course I do! Do you think that I want to sit here and do nothing? Yes! Do nothing Jaina, that’s what we are doing!”
I was astounded. “But why? I mean…”
“Do you think that we could find it again? Well? Do you? No! And besides, WE DON’T HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!!! How are we supposed to destroy a Black Hole?”
“Can’t you try anything?”
Uncle Luke lowered his voice. “No, I’m sorry Jaina, there’s nothing we can do. I really think that it would be best if you had the whole thing wiped from your memories.”
“NO WAY!!!” I backed away from him, as if he was about to attack me.
“Jaina, please. It would be beneficial to you.”
“Just try it.” My voice was low and dangerous.
He reached out to read my feelings, though I thought I was making them perfectly clear. As soon as I felt him toughing the edge of my mind I repelled him. I repelled him with such force that he went flying across the Council Chamber. I turned and ran.

~~~~~~~~

I ran though my feet were acing and I was getting a stitch. I ran through the forests with branches grabbing at my body and arms. I ran up and I ran away. I ran as if I could leave the past events behind me and I ran as if I could catch normality if I tried.

~~~~~~~~~~

I stopped when I got to the top of the cliff. I stood with the wind blowing my hair and I could see Yavin IV stretched out in front of me. It all hit me. Everything that I had done. It would always be there and there was nothing I could do to change it. It was written in my past but I didn’t have to let it become part of my future. I sat down and cried. I didn’t even have the strength to call out to Jacen.
After a few minutes I felt slightly better and I felt a presence behind me. “It’s ok Jaina. It’ll all be ok.”
It didn’t sound like any voice I recognized so I turned round to see who it was. I was so shocked I couldn’t speak. Anakin Skywalker was standing there. My Grandfather. And he’d come to see me. “It’s ok. I’ve come to show you something. Come and stand beside me Jaina.”
I went and did as he said. “Now shut your eyes and focus on the Force.” I did. “Deeper Jaina. Go deeper.” I focused as hard as I could. “Good, now open your eyes.”
I did, and WOW!! What a shock! Beams of light everywhere. Links between the sky and the trees and the cliff and the grass! Links between me and everything! Links between me and Anakin. Light beams stretched as far as the eye could see! They were everywhere! Dancing and changing colour. “What is it?” I whispered, enchanted.
“Don’t you know? It’s the Force. You can see the very colours of the Force and you can see the very way we are connected. Now I want you to do something Jaina. Focus very hard on your anger. That’s it. Now let it go. Just let go. Don’t hold onto it any more. It’s not good for you.”
I did as he said. I just let go. It was easier than I expected and I could see it! I could see my anger flowing out of me and being dispersed to the corners of the galaxy by the wind that blew my hair. It felt so good to be free!
I shut my eyes to feel the wind on my face and I whispered a thank you to my Grandfather. There was no reply. He was gone.
And when I opened my eyes the light beams were too.
“Where’d they go?” I asked to the sky, and I heard Anakin’s voice answer me on the wind. “Perhaps one day, you’ll see them again.”

I turned away from the cliff edge and slowly began the long walk home.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

In The Council Chamber.

I heard someone call a muffled "Enter" through the thick doors of the entrance. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. I stepped into the the middle of the room and the door shut with an ominous clang.
I bowed to Uncle Luke and he nodded his head in return. "Would you like to tells us of what happened you were with Commander Antillies and the Rouge Squadron?"
Stupid rhetorical questions. I hate them. I nodded and launched into an account of what had happened after Uncle Luke left. When I had finished Uncle Luke thanked me and said, "We would like you to wait outside while me discuss this matter further. We will call you back in for questioning."
I nodded and bowed once again. And walked calmly out side again, but I was anything but calm.

Why can't they discuss this in front of me? I was there! They think that I'm too young to hear what they are talking about but I was there! I saw the Black Hole! I was drawn to the Dark Side! I was the one that got us out! I WAS THERE!!!

They called me back in and began the interrogation.
"Jaina, you say that it wasn't a normal black hole, can you please describe why it wasn't?"
I already told you that! "There was no normal pull towards the centre of it. We were perfectly safe in that respect. The other thing was that the only thing it was pulling towards it was Force, but only the light side of the Force. It was impossible to connect with it, the Dark Side took over." I said.
Uncle Luke asked the next question, "Jaina, I want to make totally sure. You tried to protect yourself from the Dark Side didn't you?"
Well, D'uh! Does he think that I embraced it? "Yes, Master Skywalker," I sighed, "I tried. My barrier lasted a few days."
He nodded and surveyed me over his fingertips.
Master Durron surprised me by asking the next question. "Jaina Solo." Why does he keep saying my full name? "Why did you lose control, Jaina? Why did you try to kill one of your friends?"
AHHHH! "Because I was weak and tired. Hobbie was complaining constantly and he was getting on my nerves. My resistance was low and I gave into the anger and fustration that I was feeling."
"Think very carefully before you answer this question Jaina." Said Uncle Luke. "What did it feel like when you let go of your Jedi training and gave into your anger?"
That threw me a bit. What did it feel like? And why was that important? "It felt.... It felt like..." I was unsure of how to put it. "It felt like I had all the power in the world and no one could tell me what to do with it. It was like being an instrument, an instrument that played what ever it wanted to play. Like I was floating when no one else could float."
What on Alderan was that?! Was that really how I felt? I have no idea where that just came from!

The whole council exchanged glances and then Uncle Luke spoke. "Jaina, please let go of your anger and calm down. What I am about to suggest might shock you slightly but we all believe that it is in your interest."
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT???
"I... We feel it might be beneficial to you if I wiped the whole incident from your memory using the Force..."
HE WANTS TO TAKE MY MEMORIES?!!!!
"No Way! You are not taking anything from my memories. NO WAY!"
"Padawan! Please calm down! We are not forcing anything on you. It was just a suggestion."
Just a suggestion! I don't believe that for a moment.
"I'd like to ask a few questions now if I may Master. I want to know why I couldn't transport out sooner, why I had to stay and prolong my suffering."
Aunt Mara Jade answered me this time. "Jaina, I know you better than anyone here so I feel it is my right to answer this question. Your good nature and love of your friends wouldn't let you leave. Though you were distracted by your own pain, which you try should never to be, you knew subconsciously that you were the only hope of getting out of the place. Your love that kept you there and your love that saved them."
That calmed me down a little. "Thank-you. I would also like to ask another question if I may? What are you going to do about the Black Hole? It can't stay there. And who knows, perhaps if it is destroyed then the Dark Side of the Force will be destroyed too."
"Don't think we haven't thought about that Jaina," answered Uncle Luke. "But at the moment there is nothing we can do."
"What! There must be something you can do!" I could feel my temper rising again. "You have to try something!"
Uncle Luke's gaze wasscorching. “This discussion is over. You may go now.”I stormed out of the chamber but with no intention of going away. I was going to wait for my Uncle Luke and I was going to get the answers from him.